At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” This phrase, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of things that are shaken — that is, things that have been made — in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a Kingdom that cannot be shaken. ~ Hebrews 12:26-28
I am going to tell my story. In true form, I will probably jump around a bit and it won’t all get told in one post. But I do hope that, by the end, you will have not only heard my voice, but you will have heard His voice. Because ultimately, when all the things around us crumble, it is Just He and His kingdom that remain unshaken.
Let’s start in the middle, because that’s how I roll…and it is my blog after all.
One Loons Nest. What is that all about? Where did that come from? Good questions, but first, some backstory.
As I wrote in my previous post, God still speaks and we can still hear Him. I can say that because I’ve heard Him. I’ve heard His “still, small, voice.” No, it’s not like when you’re sitting with someone and having a conversation. It’s more like when there’s a lot of noise, but through it all, you suddenly think you heard something. LIke a thought out of nowhere. And you question whether you’re really hearing or thinking, or is it just your imagination. At our church, Grace Fellowship, our pastor’s wife, Jody, teaches this amazing class called Hearing from God. It’s about praying and taking hold of a belief in your life and asking God, “Am I believing a truth or a lie?” And then asking, “What do you want me to know about it?” (That is the short explanation.)
Right after my third son was born, and as I was slipping into a deep, clinical, postpartum depression, I was also battling my growing anxiety. So I called a dear friend of mine and asked if she would come over and pray with me. She hurried over and we sat on the sofa in our office. She started by asking me what it was that I was believing. I said, “I am a terrible Mother.”
I knew, having had past experiences with anxiety and depression, that my mind was racing uncontrollably down that path again. I believed my bigger boys were watching me waste away every day in bed and doing their best, as little boys, to be brave little men to try and take care of things. That was a punch in the gut and a perfect opportunity for Satan to whisper to me, “See, you are a terrible mother! Look! You have a new baby whose health you are paranoid over and now you can’t even get out of bed and take care of your other kids too!”
So, we continued in prayer and she said, “Ask God to show you how He sees you and ask him to give you a picture of that.” So I did, and with tears streaming down my face I said, “I see a birds nest.” My friend gasped and then squealed. (She is so full of infectious joy!) She said, “Oh my goodness! We were just doing a study on birds (she is a teacher) and do you know that the only time a bird builds a nest is when they are about to lay eggs and they need a place of safety for their babies?” Now, I am crying harder as I begin to realize the truth. Instead of seeing me as a terrible mother, God sees me as a nest – a place of safety – for three, amazing, and beautiful boys with which He’s blessed me.
Fast forward about a week later…
My best friend had made me this gorgeous blue wreath to put on our front door for after Andrew was born. (She was also my midwife and delivered all three of our boys into this world. Beyond grateful for her throughout my life). One day, when it was time to take our little dog out for a potty break, we opened the front door and this little bird, maybe a sparrow, flew into our house. Now, if you’d heard the reaction of the boys you would have thought a vulture had just flown in. They were screaming and carrying on while Kevin and I were running around trying to corner it and grab it, all the while hoping that it wouldn’t poop in the house, or crash into a mirror and kill itself. As if that wouldn’t be traumatic or anything.
Finally, it ended up flying into the office. I went in by myself and shut the door. I was able to get a hold of it and then took it back outside. After everything calmed down, the question was, “How in the world did that bird end up flying through the front door?” Looking around the front porch, I happened to glance inside the center hole in the wreath and there, to my utter astonishment, was a bird’s nest!!!!! Thank you, God, for being so faithful in revealing your presence to me. After all that he had shown me in prayer, He then brought it to life, right in Andrew’s wreath.
You would think that would have been enough to keep my fears, anxiety, and depression at bay. Nope. You’d be wrong. I wish mental illnesses worked that way, but they don’t.
Fast forward another few weeks…
I was in the ER after overdosing on prescription medication. That bought me a three day, no expenses paid stay in the looney bin. More on that in a future post, but I do hope you’ll hear this now: I know I will fail and fail and fail again but thank goodness my God continues to come after me.
I returned from the mental Hospital to find that the little bird had laid her eggs and the eggs had hatched. After the bird-in-the-house incident, we were always much more careful when we would open the front door, giving her time to fly outward, instead of coming inside again. Then, one day, we came home to all the little baby birds on the front porch. She was pushing them out. It was time for them to fly.
While I was in the ER during my overdose, Jody had come to sit and talk with me. She told me about all the glass cake domes that she has set up in her kitchen to remind her that the enemy lies and speaks “doom” over us but God speaks truth and He “domes”, or puts a covering of protection, over us.
So, remembering all that God had spoken and shown me over those last several weeks, and knowing that the birds were done with this place of safety, I gently dug the little nest out of Andrew’s wreath and placed it inside a clear cake dome. (Yes. I know. How fitting. God used a cake dome to symbolize his protection for me, a cake decorator. That’s what he does, though, right?) It sits in my kitchen and I see it every day. And every day it reminds me of the truth of how God sees me and how He protects us as well.
